I know how highly the Blessed One praised giving so why is it that I find my heart closing and contracting the moment I have allowed my mindfulness to lapse? If it were a matter of faith I could understand my deeply conditioned reticence to give bit I know from firsthand experience the joy that heartfelt giving produces. In short, I really should know better.
Watching the movements of the heart and the flickerings of thought this morning as I walked to the train I saw that one of the major hindrances to giving was the fear of interacting with the sleeping homeless (really, it is the fearof interacting with anyone). Along with this was my equally strong aversion towards their physical appearance and, the final stumbling block I was able to see in the heart was my own greed. This last hindrance was not, however, the greed that clenches the fist around one’s wallet but rather a miserliness with one’s time. I knew I had to get to work so I just didn’t have time to offer food or drink to someone who has gone without for who knows how many hours. Sad to say but it sounds pretty petty when I see it in black and white.
As a result I would like to make an aditthana to offer food or drink to someone at least once a day for the next 30 days. Obviously they don’t have to accept but I do want to train myself in real generosity and wear away at the conditioning of lifetimes that prevents me from practicing dana parami.