This morning was rough. We had an apartment full of children and my sister-in-law and mother-in-law sleep over and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Suffice it to say that the 15 minutes I was able to sneak in amidst the shrill cries of frustation and delight of 4 little children was superficial at best but I was grateful for it nonetheless.
I suppose the most disturbing thing about this morning was the fact that I was carried away by my irritation on more than one occasion, forgetting completely my resolve to be of service to all and foregoing anyh opportunity to learn from the situation. And, I think that may be the worst part of it: I can always repent of my akusala kamma (not that I can avoid its coming to fruition) but when I give up and give into the kilesas I learn nothing about them. And, knowing nothing about why and when I give in to the kilesas and how they work I am destined to repeat the same akusala kamma time and again. That’s the fear at least.
May we all find the strength to learn from the kilesas and to finally put and end to them.