Today started off strangely for reasons i cannot begin to fathom. All day long i have felt disconnected from my sense of purpose, anxious and slightly fearful. I still managed to get in my formal, morning practice and 15 minutes at work but i have felt almost as if i was a spectator all day.
Perhaps it all really began this morning at 6am when i received a text from one of my employees telling me that her sister had been found on the floor, without a pulse a 4 in the morning. She had fortunately been revived and wad now in hospital but, shamefully, immediate reaction to the news was one of consternation and annoyance: how date her sister’s mortality impinge upon my schedule? Despite my shame i was happy that i had was able to catch myself in the act and prevent any further unskillful thoughts to arise.
I think it was really this incident, or rather, my reaction to it which set the tone for the day. I surprised myself by my true lack of initial concern in that moment and the depths of my selfishness. Obviously i have much work to do and i pray that i will yet have time to carry it out before i end up rooming someone’s day.