Today is the uposatha and I have done my level best to keep the precepts throughout the course of the day. I feel like I had some good results and even managed to get in a half an hour of formal, seated meditation at work but, towards the end of the day I feel like everything kind of fell apart. Why? Well, had just hired or drop them and go with someone else. Obviously, such a decision involves fault-finding (as well as a review of the good points) but I feel that, once we were more or less certain of the decision, we got a little overzealous in our critiquing.
As I look at it now, I don’t see how we could have voided coming to the conclusion that they weren’t a good fit and that they had fumbled the job but I hate that I lost sight of the fact that these were real humans with real lives who would be negatively impacted by our decision. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I wish I had handled the deliberations with a little more dignity and solemnity than I did. Afterwards, as I rode the train home alone, I felt besmirched by the torrent of words we had unleashed and I don’t know if the mind was distrubed simpy by their abundance or because they were based largely on greed, hatred and delusion.