As a result of my contact with Bhante Saddhasara I have decided to return my efforts in formal, seated meditation to what seems to be practiced more strictly in line with the suttas. Both as a result of my own lack of development (and I say this in the most non-derogatory way pasible) and paucity of understanding, my metta send much more difficult than it did formerly although anapanasati sends me effective. I believe this has largely to do with the fact that I was getting caught up with the emotional states elicited and confusing or simply substituting that for concentration.
So, what’s the problem? Why am I even bringing it up? Well because an unenlightened and greedy householder I miss the emotional highs and feeling of connection I get from those meditations, even when they do result in papanca. So, as a compromise I have decided to use the idea of radiation and tonglen in daily life, spending what precious little time I have for formal meditation on metta and anapanasati bhavana.