At the advice of one of my bhikkhu friends I have up the practice of “buddho” a few weeks ago. Initially I must admit to veining just and out of sorts and almost lost. Suddenly the joy I had taken in meditation work the breath seemed to be absent and I spent my time in meditation often wandering without much concentration.
Recently, however, I began reading the biography of Mae Chee Kaew and listening to Dhamma tales by Thai Forest monks and I was drawn back to the practice. Yesterday I was able to keep the parikamma (meditation word) in mind while walking and in two sessions of seated meditation. The feeling of war that arose when walking to work convinced me that this practice does work for me and is something I should develop. My kalyanamitta bhikkhu only meant the best for me but our codornices is different and what works for him won’t necessarily work for me. I am beginning to see that I need to rely less on teachers when it comes to the nitty gritty of training the heart and trust myself to know what is suitable for me.