If your mother became crazed and attacked you with a knife, you would relieve her of the knife. You would not then proceed to beat her up.
A Truthful Heart
One of the preliminaries to tonglen and something which I find often repeated in the Tibetan teachings, is the practice of equalizing self and other. In other words, making explicit to oneself the fact that just as I want happiness and do not want suffering so too doors person x want happiness and not suffering. Like any other practice, it can be at times thrilling and amazing while at others it can seem like a rote repetition.
I have dallied with it in the past and have decided to make a list of everyone I can remember ever having may and working with this practice with each of them, literally crossing off their name after I have contemplated our sameness using the formula once for each bead on a 36 count wrist mala.
May I transform my heart and prepare it for samma samadhi in this and future births.