One thing that I feel I have lost in the years since I became serious about my practice is the friendship of many people who used to be in my life. Now, don’t get me wrong because, for the most part, this has been a result of me removing myself from situations and activities that I felt were not conducive to walking the path although there is a notable exception.
Suffice it to say that, when I hear about thee friends from others or see them on Facebook there is always this wistfulness and a dull pain in the heart. But, really, this longing for closeness and acceptance isn’t new and I can trace it back to a time in my life when my sister and I were uprooted and moved away with my mother during my parents’ first separation. Since then I have never felt quite like I belonged anywhere and still don’t.
But why post this here? What good is it to lament something that I’m certain most of us feel? I guess I’m posting it to be able to better get a handle on it. Rather than reifying these transient thoughts and feelings as my true, wounded self, I want to turn them around and use them on the path. It’s that tenderness, the desire to be loved and the affection for certain people that I want to highlight. That’s important. That should not be forgotten.
May the hurt I feel be as the soil in a garden of compassion. May the I reflect on the good qualities of those whom I miss and with whom I desire closeness. May they meet with every success in this life and all others.