Although I have never wavered in my faith in the Path taught by Lord Buddha, I am often in doubt about my ability to practice it. Lately, I have been having an especially hard time with moderation and renunciation.
I don’t know if it’s simply a matter of framing but the difficulty I have in giving up certain things (like eating at proscribed times and certain sense pleasures) makes me think it’s karmic. In other words, I feel that there are lifetimes of inertia here.
When I really look at what is happening I think I can tear apart three separate issues: the unfaithful behavior itself; the savoring of the very idea of it; the guilt of having savored and acted. Of the three it is the last which usually details my practice is it that which calls for a closer look.
I am loathe to give up the remorse because there’s a fear that, if I do, there will be nothing to hold me back. But, when the remorse becomes an obstacle it should be clear that it needs to be abandoned. Besides, all the guilt in the world won’t change a thing.
May I forgive myself and move forward with the practice.