Posted by: Upāsaka | 05/05/2017

Holding Pattern

My wife and I have no entered a holding pattern. I, seemingly, can do nothing right and she is always angry with everything I do. I have tried a number of things but it is at the point where the change can’t come from me. It is at the point where I don’t think it will change. 

And so, I try to hold my tongue. When I suggest that she could meet me after I go to pick up the kids so I can get some work done it’s met with insults. I’m thoughtless. I’m cruel. I’m an ass. So, I suck it up and do it. 

I’m resentful of course but at the very least I can control my mouth and avoid harsh speech. Life is short and to throw away the opportunity to do good by allowing anger to despoil my mind seems like the ultimate folly. May my wife be free of suffering. May she be free of anger. May I never marry again in this or future lives. 

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Responses

  1. Sounds like you’re having a really tough time. I’m so sorry that it is so hard for you right now. Have you heard of Harville Hendrix? I highly recommend his book Getting the Love You Want. It sheds so much light on why we do what we do in our intimate relationships, and Hendrix offers exercises to be practiced to heal and resolve the hurt, the animosity, the anger, the resentment. My husband hasn’t read it yet, but just the shift in my own mind from learning about this way of relating has proven invaluable thus far. May you be free from suffering and the causes of suffering. May you and your wife heal and find harmony.

    • Thank you Lorien. I will definitely pick it up and read it. Be well!

      • Let me know how it goes! I’ll dedicate the merit of my practice to you both.

  2. Just checking in to see how you are doing. Hope you are finding moments of peace and clarity and remembering to breathe deeply.


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